I came back alone. She didn't leave my head.

I didn’t choose Barbados because I knew it. I chose it because she told me to come. After that, I let the AI take over.

No plan. But big expectations. I just fed my constraints into paradisepilot.ai and followed whatever came back.

Travel Diary — Germany → Toronto → Barbados → Back Again

Departure Thoughts

Sitting at the airport, staring at a Lufthansa 747, I start thinking about a question I keep coming back to: Is it actually worth living outside Europe? Outside Germany?

Sometimes not knowing is the point.

First stop: Toronto, Canada — or at least the airport version of it.

She is married. But we’re talking.

Toronto (Airport Edition)

Toronto feels… mixed. A lot of Indians, a lot of cultures stacked on top of each other. Everyone’s friendly, polite, nice — almost American, but somehow less loud. Like the US, just more educated, maybe more IQ? Hard to explain.

People seem focused on work, money, lifting, improving. No chaos, no extremes. The people look normal, decent — not ugly, not insanely beautiful either. Just… balanced.

Outside the airport it’s hot, smoggy, and heavy. But hey, it’s July.

I’ve been talking to her for over a year. I’ve known her since she was 10. She married him. Not me.

I pay 30 CAD for airport food. Taste: okay. Worth it: absolutely not.

Funny thing — airport announcements: In the US, they butcher names. Here? AI probably says them perfectly. If airlines really wanted to save money, they’d just go full AI everywhere. Flights might even get cheaper. Someone should really tell these companies how to cut costs properly.

I buy socks and a charger: 51€. At that moment I’m convinced this country is doomed with prices like that.

She lives on the other side of the planet. She told me she’d be on vacation with her family. I could come too. From far away. Quietly. So here we are.

Waiting at the gate, I notice a stylish woman: Dyson headphones, looks like a CEO, dressed like a lady. Speaks Russian. In the Caribbean route? Interesting.

I buy an iced coffee. 5€. Bad. Very bad.

Let’s see what Barbados does to my socks.

Delays & Flying Problems

Boarding delayed. 10:30.

Maybe EU regulations will get me those sweet 3 hours compensation money. Nice idea — but also the reason flying is so expensive in the first place.

On the plane now. Legroom: rough. No headphones. No entertainment. Nothing to listen to. Just the sound of existence. Amazing. Not.

Arrival — Barbados 🇧🇧

Hotel first impression: really nice.

Barbados feels different immediately. Friendly people. Relaxed energy. No crime vibes. No one annoys you. Everyone just wants to make a bit of money and live peacefully.

Restaurants are genuinely good — not cheap, but worth it. Food is great. Atmosphere is chill. Zero stress.

Tourists don’t annoy each other here. Everyone just… exists together. Even Americans don’t make you hate the world.

Lots of British and Canadians. Fewer Americans than expected. Season seems to be November to February — summer is quiet.

The island itself? Not endless activities. Mostly beach, tourist stuff, relaxing. But that’s kind of the point.

Taxi driver says he’ll show me around tomorrow. It’ll be expensive. Probably worth it.

Roaming & Bridgetown

I went roaming around. Then the taxi driver showed me around — for money. A lot of it.

He drove me all over the island. From one point to the next.

Bridgetown. The driver who took me there waited for me. I was walking the streets — lots of Caribbean food style, normal life. People are nice. I love the vibe.

He was waiting on me to bring me back. What a nice guy.

Money was the motivation. Fair enough.

He offered to give me a road trip all over the places. So next day I woke up.

Breakfast & St Nicholas Abbey

Amazing breakfast, by the way. Their flying fish is so underrated!!!!!

St Nicholas Abbey. He drove me to the abbey. Wow — what a nice old house. Built in 1658. Jacobean Great House — one of only three left in the whole Western Hemisphere. Sugar plantation back in the day. Now they restored it, still make their own rum there, single cask stuff. Tour has the house, gardens, little museum, distillery, and some old movie from like 1930. They run a Victorian steam railway on the place too. That’s the train I took. Over 350 years of history and they turned it into a working heritage thing. Nice. I was chilling.

She was about to come here as well but she couldn’t make it. I took the train.

All alone. This young woman — very attractive — was looking at me from the side. Her boyfriend was with her. Or father?! Who knows.

I caught her looking at me.

At the end of the train track we had to turn over the damn train by hand. Like back in the days. Awesome. I like trains though.

They carried us to the viewpoint. You can see the entire island. Amazing.

I went back to the taxi. She wasn’t there.

I wished I had asked the train girl for her number. I didn’t. I waited for her instead.

Back at the Hotel

Now she’s at the hotel.

The view is unreal. Beach. Water. Climate. You almost forget you have problems somewhere else.

She texts me how good I look. Says she’s excited to see me. I can see her smile from far away. We’re not allowed to make it obvious.

Her sisters are there too. The whole family. Like 15 people.

She texts: “Come to the bathroom at the pool. Quick.” So I do. We hug for maybe three seconds. She says she’s so happy to see me. Then she runs off. Gone.

Caves Day

Next day he drove me again. To Animal Flower Cave and Harrison’s Cave.

I went to Harrison’s Cave first. They said I can just go in — don’t have to wait! Amazing. I bet people stand here in line. I didn’t!

The cave — deep into it. Some guy found it. Drilled a big hole into it. Made it into a tourist attraction. Built also a climbing park, zip line around. Boring.

The cave was great but I have this at home too. Nice to cool down though.

Animal Flower Cave was kind of funny. One deep step into the cave — the fat guy in front of me and his wife almost couldn’t make it. No lies!

We reached the cave. I saw three anemones or whatever it was. Boring. But the cave was nice. The stones. The view. Also.

My taxi driver told me about his six children. He made 100 USD yesterday with me. He spent 80 on perfume. He was so happy. He even told me where he bought it — small shop. The guy resells the big bottles in small ones. Smart business idea.

So we went back. I definitely made the family get food for the week.

Back in the Hotel

She is here! But too far still. Her husband watching. I watched them at the breakfast table. I sit at the other table watching them.

She texted me: how good I look. Like she’s excited to see me. I can see the smile from afar. We’re not allowed to make it obvious.

Her sisters are with her as well. The entire fam. Like 15 ppl.

She said come to the bathroom at the pool quick. So I did. We hugged like 3 seconds. She said so happy to see me. Then she ran off. Gone.

Life is confusing sometimes.

Next day

SAVVY On The Bay — Bridgetown

She told me they all will be there. Okay I have nothing to do so I went.

Took a nice beach chair and enjoyed the view. They went snorkeling. I did 3 hrs later with some old women. Still fun. Saw a turtle.

I’m at the bar. He is there with the sisters and daughters.

Sister is hot too tho but too young. He looked me in the eye but I’m sure he doesn’t know. Or maybe?

A hot British older chick talked to me while her 10 year old son ate fries.

She tried to rizz me up but her best friend a pilot was next to us and her son. Wow she got balls.

I felt like she needed to get laid but I already had other problems. She took my number but she never texted.

I bought a mango. Nice. It’s hot. Hot mango. Had better ones. But hey.

Took a taxi home. I saw her the last time.

I’m mad. Nothing happens. Just a hug.

I flew all the way for a week for one hug. How romantic.

I told her. She was sad. We know we’ll never see each other again. Or talk like we used to. After this.

She dropped her ankle bracelet next to the pool. She said it’s not worth much but her fav one. I still have it here while writing.

Went for burger that night. Couldn’t show up at the same restaurant they ate at.

Burger was stunning. This Jamaican woman knows how to cook.

The Way Back

She had to leave early. Someone was cutting onions. Last day I was mad!

Tyla is showing up from SA !? 

I was like for real ? Okay I’m going !  She is beautiful. At least this made me feel better, and the rum.

Next day: back to Toronto.

The hotel was better this time. Breakfast too.

Also: You know you’ve made it when two white people ask if there’s space in the airport shuttle.

U know when u cooked?! Two white ppl ask me while I was standing by the airport shuttle if we have 2 more spaces left — they thought I work here Bro I’m white too ! I’m one of yours how u mix me up with the staff ! LOL I see ur point though I just answered I’m sure we do

Airport pizza on the way back — disgusting American-style fat pizza — but somehow awesome.

Starbucks too, of course.

Back on the plane. Row 4 has two empty seats next to me. Space. Happiness. Peace.

Flying back to EU now. Mixed feelings.

I tried to save her. I couldn’t.

It’s hard to miss someone when there’s nothing you can do. She posted a photo. Her bottle. My hand on her hip. It felt like she wanted to be close.

I can’t stop thinking about her.

Still worth it.